Starting Over

With the campaign behind us - not including the recount by Ohio election officials, who have now confirmed Herbert Hoover was indeed the leading vote-getter in 1928 - it's time for our elected officials to get back to the time-honored tradition of ignoring the concerns of their constituencies now that we're no longer paying attention.

I've redubbed this site "The Spin Cycle" to chronicle how regularly and instinctively politicians twist every event into buzz for their party and bile for the opposition.

Let's kick off the festivities with some Donkey bashing, specifically President Bush's appointment of Connnddooolleeeezzzaaa Rice. First of all, chill out with all the extra letters. If she ever decides to celebrate Kwwaaannnnzzzaaa, it could trigger World War 3.

Stop interrupting. The point is, regardless of what you think of this President, he has had without question the most ethnically and genderally (I'll wait while you look that one up and realize it's not really a word...) diverse Cabinet in the history of the United States. It's not even close.

Democrats could argue it doesn't matter if someone in a high position is a minority if he/she isn't qualified. They could argue that...if they suddenly stop espousing Affirmative Action. Oops...

So you can rip this President for a variety of shortcomings, and you'd be right on some of those. What you can't deny, though, is that minorities under his watch have found the Cabinet doors wide open.

Stay tuned. We'll start pulling the Elephants' trunks soon enough.

Did You Know The Word Gullible Is Not In The Dictionary?

"Now we have to deal with the horrifying realities of the Bush re-election."

Whose line is it anyway? Michael Moore's? Sean Penn's? Osama bin Laden's?

No, that quote - uttered after the decisive ballots had been counted Wednesday - came from the mouth of a red-stated, Bible-belting, churchgoing saint. One of the godliest people I've ever known, as a matter of fact. Of course, it was difficult to hear this plaintive declaration because it was drowned out by the bacchanalia of fellow followers of Christ, raucously reveling in a second dose of Bush.

If such deep disagreement exists within the body of Christ, is it any surprise that our nation is politically divided? Funny, too, how each side wants its government to act morally on those issues most important to them.

The same party that wants a "kingdom economy," in which everyone has enough and all possessions are shared, a la Acts 2 and 4, is the same one that's taken the Ten Commandments out of courthouses and prayer from schools. To paraphrase Christians on this side of the aisle, "The government should set a Christlike economic agenda and let the church draw people to Christ."

The same party that fights abortion on demand and wants to make sure marriage remains...well...marriage is the same one that doesn't seem especially concerned with war, so long as we're winning, or with the fact that the gulf between haves and have nots is ever-widening. Paraphrasing Christians of this party, "The government should establish the moral tone of the nation and let the church minister to the poor."

All the while saying (or at least wondering) to brethren and sistren on the other side, "How can you be so gullible?"

C'mon, church. You can't have your Eucharist and eat it, too.

Save Your Breath

Most of us don't have to wait long to become skeptical of our elected officials' integrity. The hypocrisy begins at the victory party. Last night, I listened to Randy Neugebauer - a self-proclaimed follower of Christ who may well be perfectly pleasant outside the political arena - heap effusive encomia on Charles Stenholm, the very man he spent the last several months disemboweling in print and on air. Listening to that tripe, I nearly effused something else.

Neugebauer (pronounced neugebauer), in just his second year in elected office, has learned quickly. This is how the game is played. Tell voters what a bad guy you're opponent is during the campaign, then praise his patriotism after they've believed you and thrown him out on his ear.

I say either lay off the personal attacks during the campaign or get up on election night and say, "I've just received a call from my opponent congratulating me on winning the election. I'm surprised the idiot knew how to use a telephone! The people of this district/state/country can rest comfortably knowing that monster is out of office."

That would at least allow us to trust the winner for a couple of months before he goes to Washington and sells us down the Potomac.

Putting The W Back In Guam

Guam has spoken. In the U.S. territory west of the international dateline, where the first Tuesday in November has already come and gone, an overwhelming majority of the island's citizens have voted to re-elect George W. Bush. And you know the old saying, "As Guam goes, so goes the nation..." Of course, there's also, "If a Guam votes in the forest, does anyone hear it?" Regardless, his resounding victory in Guam gives the President a total of zero electoral votes, leaving him 270 shy of winning a second term. But thank you, Guam, for playing our game. We have some lovely parting gifts.

And besides that piece of Guam, here's something else to chew on as we await the results from today's election: can supporters of either candidate be genuinely proud of the way their guy ran his campaign? Did either man handle himself with dignity and respect for his opponent? Did either guy call off the PAC of attack dogs when things got nasty? Did either one call on his supporters to act with humility and treat those on the other side of the political fence with grace?

It didn't seem like either one did from where I sit. Maybe it was better in Guam.